I felt melancholy after hearing a song on TV just now. Some memories of the past came back and I was reminded of the past for some time.
Whenever Mich tells me about how sweet chinghock is and how happy she's feeling, I feel happy and sad. Happy for her that she can feel the floating feeling of a first love but sad that I can no longer experience such bliss. Sometimes I really wonder, is it really good to harden up so much? Is it good to be disillusioned and desensitized? I wish I can get back the feeling when I could truly feel happiness. With happiness comes sadness. But I don't want to feel the pain associated with sadness. This feeling is simply awful. I'm not making an effort to open up my heart totally because I'm scared. I lack the courage. The courage to take down the emotional barrier.






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